Growing old has always been scary for me. Though I always look up at grownups and wonder if I’ll ever look as mature and responsible as them, the thought of aging another year every freaking year freaks me out. And that sentence is pretty messed up, but growing a year older is just really scary for me. I always feel like the clock is ticking and I should do something, anything.
That’s why I make lists. That’s why I start every week with a to-do list. That’s why I list down all the tasks I have to accomplish within the day. I love making lists, even though I can never cross out every item off the list. This is why making a bucket list has always been on the back of my mind, though I find it difficult to write one. This is is weird, though, because I wrote my first bucket list before I graduated from high school. This should come easier, right? I saw my old list and almost cried because the things I wanted when I was 15 are pretty much the same things I want now that I’m already 24! Some dreams never change.
There’s no better time to write one. I’m currently having an early onset of quarter-life crisis, and I think I really need to pause for a while and know what I want to do with my life. I can’t panic now, even though a doctor once said that I probably have anxiety disorder, heh. I’m only 24. I have my whole life ahead of me to figure out this shit.
I want to be so many things all at once but that’s impossible. So I’m only making a 30 Before 30 list, because figuring out the things I want till I’m 80 is a bit overwhelming. Let this be the first part of my bucket list. I’m challenging myself until 30 to accomplish these 30 things. I know bucket lists don’t sit well with some people, but I always need to be reminded of the things I have and need to do.
I thought limiting myself to just 30 things will be difficult. It turns out that filling in the list is even more challenging. But here it is. I came up with the 30 things that I’ve always wanted, things that I’m too lazy to do, and things that I’m too scared to try. These are some of the greatest desires and challenges of my heart. I can’t wait to cross them out one by one. And maybe, just maybe, repeat them again and again. [Read more…]