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2013: A Recap

December 31, 2013

It’s sad to end 2013 in such a somber note when the rest of the year had been incredibly great to me.

This year was pretty challenging, because it was the year that I really questioned which direction I want my life to take. Do I want to be a SEO Specialist the rest of my life? Or to be a teacher? Or a writer that I’ve dreamed of since I was young? Or should I consider being a lawyer since that’s everyone but myself seems to want?

It’s the last day of the year, and I still have no answer to the question that bugged me from the very first day. There were actually nights when I cried myself to sleep, because I seem to be heading nowhere. Questioning one’s worth is not exactly the best feeling there is.

But despite my quarter life crisis, I was still happy. I’m surrounded by the most amazing family ever, and I have great friends, old and new. I have Alex. Even though I had low days, I have people who can immediately cheer me up. And it’s sad that I’ll end 2013 with one less important person in my life. It’s something that hasn’t sunk in yet, but hopefully, I’ll get there.

I used to wonder how it would feel to mourn while the rest of the world is high on holiday spirits. Now I know. I wish I still don’t, but here we are.

This year taught me to value my family a lot more than I did before. It also made me realize my role as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, etc. and the responsibilities that come with it. I may not be the oldest among us, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be an ate. I’ve been called bunso all my life, but this year taught me that being a bunso doesn’t mean I should just stand by the sidelines.

This year taught me to be a friend and a girlfriend. Reaching out has always been difficult for me. I don’t want to make my being an introvert as an excuse, so this year I really tried to show up. To have a listening ear and open arms to any friend who actually needs me. And even now, I get surprised to know that there are people who actually need someone like me. It’s great to let people in my life and to accept that I don’t always have to be alone.

I’m not a good person, and my temper often runs short. So I thank the people who put up with me, flaws and all. I thank them because they manage to tolerate my jokes. I say sorry to those who had been on the receiving end of my anger and the horribleness of my teasing.

This year I’ve been to many places and I’ve done a lot of things. But at the heart of it all, I’m most thankful to the people who’ve been with me. To the people I’ve encountered along this roller coaster ride, you’ve made my 2013 a lot more special.

I’ll start my 2014 missing someone. I’ll spend the rest of it cherishing every minute. From here on I’ll make sure to say I love you more often to the people who matter. Hugs will be easily given away, and touches will be shared.

I’m not exactly sure what I want to do in 2014. There are way too many things that are bugging me, and I doubt I’ll have a clear mind by the end of the week. But right now, I just want to be a better person. Life is definitely short, and by next year I just hope that I at least made it better for someone else other than myself.

My new year isn’t very happy, so I hope yours is a lot better than mine.

The Bests of Last Year

January 1, 2013

2012 was a lot of things, but most of all, it was awesome.

I barely crossed out anything on my to-do list for last year, but I still can’t help but feel that on 2012, I experienced more amazing things than ever. I can never rate my year or to quantify it’s awesomeness, but I can tell you that I never felt this thankful, this blessed before.

My online accounts have been sending a review of my 2012 but it barely captured what I’d been up to. Oh, I’m still in my old job, I’m still a fangirl, still a simpleton. But I can at least say that I have changed in some ways, in good ways. Tons of eye-openers have happened this year and tons of misfortunes. Sometimes I still wish I can change them but I can’t, so I take them for what it is and try to find a good in what happened. And it’s never easy to be optimistic when my instinct tells me to shut down everybody and wallow in self-pity. So this has been quite an amazing year, because I am surrounded by amazing people who remind me that there are still a gazillion reasons to be happy.

This year, I did (and didn’t do) a lot of things. So let’s start with the pretty obvious.

Last year, I fangirl(ed).

After n years, I finally know that I am back in the fandom. I didn’t do a lot of fangirl-ing back in college because working for a community newspaper and writing my thesis ate too much of my time. I slowly crawled my way back into the KPOP fandom after college, and finally, I arrived. (I swear I didn’t intend to make that sound so dramatic. Heh.) I think it was when I attended CASSPH’s 9G last February that made me want to return to being a rabid fan. And I did.

This year, I got into so many fandoms and made some of my fangirl dreams come true! This year, I seriously felt numerous times that I’m the luckiest fangirl ever. Thank you very much.

March, I saw HwangBo at the airport and watched a shooting of Muhan Girls. April, I visited the land of Kdramas and cried to my heart’s content. May, I got to see Ian Somehalder at MoA even though I’m a bigger Paul Wesley fan. June, I went to HongKong and fulfilled my dreams of seeing ~~ChangMin~~ TVXQ in person! I also got to see CNBLUE that time, and bunch of other artists. But it’s TVXQ and CNBLUE that are the most important ones, okay. October, Big Bang had a concert in the country and of course I was there! And I realize I haven’t properly blogged about it yet. November, Lee MinHo held a fan meeting and a meet and greet, and I was at both events. I got to shake hands with him, too! I also chased him at the airport and touched his back but I swear I’m not a perv.

I did tons of fangirl-ing in front of my laptop, too. A year after I watched YongSeo‘s stint on We Got Married, I’m still a very heavy shipper of the two. This year, I also became an avid fan of Running Man and I still don’t know which one’s my favorite cast. It’s a close match among KwangSoo, Gary and JaeSuk. Halp. I can’t decide. I am also in love with Bang SungJoon through his drama Shut Up: Flower Boy Band a.k.a. my favorite drama for the year 2012 and maybe my favorite drama since ever.

Most importantly, I can prouldy say once again that I am a Cassiopeia. I was quite inactive over the past few years, but this year, I am a Cassie through and through. I have already accepted that TVXQ today is just YunHo and ChangMin. I am a fan of the old DBSK but no hoping and wishing can bring the five together unless the five make the conscious choice to drop everything, to forget about contracts and responsibilities and dreams and goals, just to be together. And I know that’s not the easiest thing in the world. I know they can’t easily be 5 again. So now, I’ll support TVXQ. I’ll support YunHo and ChangMin and just back them up with whatever they wish to do in the future. 🙂

I also watched 9 Korean dramas and 56 Asian movies. Uhm, I seriously didn’t think I watched that many movies! Hehe. Anyway, I didn’t bother counting the non-Asian thing I watched hrhr.

But you know what’s amazing about all this fangirl-ing? I made so many fangirl friends and converted a couple of friends into fangirls! So I don’t just get kilig out of all these craziness, I also get friendship, and that’s more than I could wish for. [Read more…]

A Very Merry Christmas

December 27, 2012

After all the stressful shopping and sleepless nights due to wrapping gifts, Christmas had come and gone, and I can confidently say that it may be the best Christmas I had. But it’s quite hard to say which Christmas is the best, since how do you even rank such thing? Every year, my family seems to be getting smaller since someone’s always moving to Italy. But still, Christmas was amazing for way too many reasons.

Last Christmas, we didn’t get to attend Misa de Gallo so we decided to attend the mass first thing in the morning. But since tons and tons of children (and adults) went to our house to ask for aguinaldo, we couldn’t leave. Christmas morning was spent on giving gifts (and receiving as well!) instead. It was still pretty fun.

When we managed to escape the visitors, my family went straight to Isdaan in Calauan. We’re too late for any mass, anyway, so we might as well fill ourselves with good food. But as expected, Isdaan was packed, and we had to wait for quite a while to be seated. But it was all worth it because the Crispy Pata was excellent omg. We also watched the show and roamed around the place. It’s a pretty popular destination lately, and I can see why. The food’s good and there are tons of attractions, too. I’m glad that we got to bring my grandparents there!

It was almost 4PM when we finished lunch, so yes, we stayed there for quite a long while. Since we’re late for the 4PM and still too early for the 5:30PM mass, my family went to SM to have our yearly family portrait taken. Thus, we’re all wearing red!

And to cap off a perfect day, we went to church. It’s been quite a while since I last attended mass on Christmas day itself, since we used to go to church on Christmas Eve. But it’s a nice change since the church wasn’t crowded and you could really focus. After all, Christmas isn’t just about presents and being with you family. We should never forget who should be the real focus of that day. 🙂 After all, it’s all because of Him that so many good things in life are made possible.

And Christmas won’t be complete without having dinner with the entire clan! It has always been like that. Though families would spend the day apart, we’d all go to one house and close Christmas by having dinner together. We even got to have a video call from our family in Italy. It just occurred to me that half of the family’s over there already. It’s all for the better, but it still feels a bit sad that they’re miles and miles away. But it doesn’t matter, because sometimes, it feels as if nothing changed.

So overall, it was a pretty amazing Christmas. God is an amazing God. He has given me way too many blessings, and I often wonder what I did to deserve them all. But I should probably stop questioning why I’m so blessed and start thinking of ways to turn these blessings into something that could be of use to others as well. And you know what, I actually this has been my best year so far. So many good things have happened, and it’s all up to me to make my 2013 better. I have an amazing family, amazing set of friends, amazing boyfriend, and I really couldn’t ask for more. And it’s all thanks to Him! 🙂

P.S. And for the first time, Alex spent Christmas Eve with us and it was nice. Like really nice. And it’s really one of the reasons why it was such an amazing Christmas. That is all. I hope you guys had a pretty splendid time, too!

Happy holidays!

My Stupid Tears Caused by the Coca-Cola OFW Ad

December 3, 2011

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_9fQEqZCWs]

I don’t even cry in movies or books but sometimes sappy commercials like this one can really push me to tears. It’s rare for commercials to make me cry and I’ll forever remember those movies/ads/vids/etc. that prove that I’m not apathetic like many people (like my mother lol) think.

Maybe it’s the concept of the video that’s just so heart-wrenching. My father was an OFW for almost a decade, but this year, he decided to stay in the Philippines for good. Almost half of the mother’s side of my family is in Italy, too, so this commercial really pulled on my tight heartstrings. I tried to stop the tears but they just keep coming! I hate you, Coca-Cola.

[Read more…]

Forever Classless

November 7, 2011

If you’d ask me whether I’d rather be good in dancing or singing, I’d be quick to answer that I’d love to be the best dancer in the world. I am easily awed by a good dancer, and it would be awesome if I could kick some ass on the dance floor. Sure, I can also pass as a frustrated singer, but I’m really more of a frustrated dancer.

I have two left feet and Alex said I have a funny expression when I dance. (He’s often the unfortunate audience of my silly dance moves.) My sister said that she thought I’d grew up to be an agogo dancer, but I luckily didn’t! (Yay.) I don’t know how to explain it, but even I can admit that it looks pretty awful when I dance. Heh. Despite knowing that I’m a horrible dancer, I do it anyway–to everyone’s annoyance.

When Riya told me last Saturday that I should quit blogging and pursue vlogging, instead, I laughed at the idea. I hate public speaking, and vlogging, I think, passes as a form of public speaking. So no, vlogging is definitely not for me. But this idea of vlogging inspired me, of course.

I went to my lola’s house last Saturday and saw my cousin doing something on her laptop and playing some party music (whatever that is). Out of sheer fun, I borrowed my cousin’s beanie (which looked so cute on her and which made me look like a burglar) and tried to look ~~gangsta~~ cute. Haha.

And so this video resulted:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DqQF-SeBiQ]

Heehee. I know I look kyot! That’s Ruby and she still hadn’t taken a bath when we took the video. Yet, she still looked tons better than I did. Too bad you can’t hear her laugh in the video. She’s the craziest laugher I’ve ever met. Haha.

I know I can never be a dancer, and I wouldn’t even dare bring my dancing into clubs or on the dance floor. But just let me do silly things like this and I’ll be fine. I swear I won’t be bitter that no one would ever tell me that I dance well. Just don’t make me stop dancing my silly dance moves and I can be a happy banana for the rest of time.

I would never ever venture into vlogging but shooting random videos can be fun. Looking like a fool is my talent, and I’d probably do it again. I don’t know. Glamour and sophistication don’t really work for me. It’s awkward when I act like a lady, and people say I make seduction look like a joke. So I’d just be a klutz and wish for people to accept me for me. (I swear I don’t intend for that to sound dramatic.)